Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Humbling Start

Leaving the four corners of an office is pretty risky, yet fulfilling.  I may not be earning the way I used to--well, I'm not earning a single cent right now--but I'm happy with what I'm able to accomplish every day.

As most people know, I'm a very strong and positive person.  Loud and sometimes bubbly.  I am, but half of me is living in fear, in doubts, in worries.  I have this dark, sad, side of me that as much as possible I don't let anyone know that I'm in that state.  Yet, I always try to put up a smile and be positive.  I'm kind of faking it but at the same time "meaning" it.  But this whole new phase that I'm in brought me into a deep shit.  Fear overwhelmed me.  As I'm used to having someone to bump heads with, to come up with an idea or make a decision, and now I'm alone on putting up my venture, that gave me a hell lot of scare.  I can't find anyone who share the same passion, the oomph, the drive.

My plans prior to leaving my previous company is to focus on planning and developing my online food business into a shop or cafe.  And while doing that, I planned on working online for part-time, and do other side jobs to satisfy my craving on the arts and not be bored.  I tend to be bored easily, by the way.

The entire plan was working on the first few weeks.  And when I got the online job that I was aiming for, I knew something was wrong, so I asked for another week to think about whether or not to accept the job.  It still feels like working in an office.  I have to be working 9am-6pm with them.  I suddenly felt like throwing up, figuratively speaking, because I know that I no longer want to be a regular employee--that I no longer like the feeling of being tied in that kind of setting.  You know, the moment I wake up, I turn on the computer then continuously working till 6pm, yet you can't function like a person at home!  I accepted the job as the people around me encouraged me to give it a try, but the funny thing is, I only worked on that online job for three days.  Haha!  That's a great example of following your heart.

illustration from

Then came another problem.  I mentioned earlier that I was having a hard time looking for a business partner.  I was looking for someone who is passionate, creative, positive and risk-taker.  There are quite a number of people who approached me and willing to invest but I always tell them that I don't need an investor.  I already have one.  I need a person to brainstorm with and to passionately work with on this business.  Unfortunately, those people that I trust and I thought of having the same drive, passion and spirit weren't interested.  They chose fear over courage.  But I do understand some who are really busy in their lives and have other priorities other than this.

photo from

I felt depressed.  I felt more lonelier than ever.  Well, due to the fact that I'm almost like living by myself since I was young, I thought the people around me these days would be my strength, who I can depend on in situations like this.  I broke down for several days.  It's the only time that I knew what I want to do, but I felt like no one's there to support.

Then I prayed deeply so I could meet that person I'm looking for on this business.  I bumped into a preschool friend, then met a stranger who strangely enough offered me a partnership on the business without me asking (it's a different story on the next post), which I, of course, no plans of taking; and at the same day when I met that stranger, a colleague of mine called me and asked if my previous offer of having her as my partner on this business is still available.  My prayers had been answered.

We set a meeting in Galleria, on a Sunday, and talked things over.  I laid my cards, told her the facts, and gladly we were on the same track.  I reiterated that we won't be earning cash in the meantime.  It's more like break-even.

Let's see what the future might bring.  I'm crossing fingers.  And I do hope that you do too, for me at least.

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