Thursday, December 27, 2012

And 2012 Is About To End

Sun shone brightly on one mid-afternoon sky of December (see photo below).  Blue skies with scattered clouds, wide roads, and little traffic.  "Oh, what a day," I amused myself while driving my way to CCP.  Warm days are definitely my thing, and I succumbed to my burrows when it pours.  I just loathe rainy days, just like tonight as I'm writing this.  It simply pulls my positive vibe back to its locker and awakens my deep thoughts.  Thus, this post.

Disclaimer:  This is an emo post.  I warned you.  Haha!

Took this photo (using MyPhone A848 Duo) while driving.  Yes, dear readers, don't follow my example. 

This year was too risky for me.  I quit my job days before 2012 to get back to my creative side; started a blog, focused on my online baked goods, explored, grabbed opportunities that came along (acting, consultancy, set design, styling), made the right decisions, and found myself happier than ever.  Though I still find myself drowning from anxiety attacks, which I later found out that it's normal to people who are creative.  Well, that's great news.  At least I have my creative juice flowing this time.  But, of course, the traumatic experiences I've dealt with years ago are still there.  It still haunts me.  It doesn't get tired on knocking.  Must find ways to move on.  The question is, where to start?

Docked yachts at Harbour Square in Manila.
They're like people.  Different inside and out, but one should always stand out.

People.  Should I stay away from people who mumbles behind and draws uncertainties into my life?  Who takes me for granted and whom I can't run into when I needed someone to talk to, or to those who still can't completely understand me at all?  Well, funny, I might be losing almost everyone I know.  I can't fathom that fact.  Living alone for almost my entire life is sickening (yet I'm used to it), and removing them like toothpicks being drawn out of its tight wooden case is quite difficult and painful too.  Maybe throwing myself in the social arena and build friendships from there is an option.  But that would be harder for me, harder than my algebra and physics exams back in high school.  Socializing is not my forte.  I'm more of a wallflower, but eventually exists if needed.

Skyscrapers at Malate, Manila.

Blame my upbringing and the bullies back in grade school, if you need an explanation of my being aloof.  I learned almost everything with my own efforts because no one's there who makes time to teach me .  Writing, reading, riding a bike, playing the guitar, you name it.  I rarely asked for help, and when I do, I mean it.  I have a world of my own, so I'd rather observe first before I push myself to speak with you because I don't want you to get hurt or offended.  Or maybe I'm not used to talking about myself (ironically, I am now) since no one's really that interested or they find me weird and unconventional, or maybe they're just born narcissists.  That's why I'm always caught by surprise whenever people asks about me--my life.  It's like I speak with my tongue cut.  I can't say much not unless I really get comfortable with you.  That's why I chose blogging as an outlet.  I get to speak my mind and you being anonymous is way better.

Harbour Square

As I strolled along the bricked pavement, searching for good eats to satisfy thy hunger, I came to realize that I should learn to go back to my old self--to stand alone from the forest of people.  To not think of what they will say.  To do what I think is right, just, and that would certainly fulfill my goals in life and that will satisfy my hungry soul.

This year definitely gave me time to think things through.  There had been enough rough roads from the past that I drove right through, but I now learned to walk on it instead.  Learned how to pause, to stop.

Next year will be another mystery.  But I'm all geared up to push forward.

2013, be awesome.

Cheers! :)

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